Little Battles in a Big War

When considering the struggles we all face, I though it might be good to look at some of my own weaknesses through the scriptural lens. No matter where I go or what I do, I have my part in the epic battle between good and evil, the battleground being our very soul.  I am not going to list specific sins.  Suffice it to say I am imperfect and flawed.  It is those imperfections which makes life harder, and makes the little victories taste all the more sweet...


There is a spiritual war...

2 Corinthians 10:3-5
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.


We have an enemy...

1 Peter 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.


We have armor and weapons...

Ephesians 6:10-17
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.


Okay, there is a war, an enemy, and tools for offense and defense. But sometimes, I feel like I am boxing blindfolded. I swing and punch yet hit nothing but air, while getting pummeled with punches from nowhere.  I am not speaking of everyday circumstances that go wrong here; I am okay with life on life's terms.  What I am referring to are those times when I am blindsided by my own behavior.  Paul said it best, a scripture that I have been pondering for over 25 years.


Romans 7:18-25
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Thankfully Paul answered that last question. I definitely need some rescuing. Daily.


James 1:13-14
When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.


The point of today's Blog Post is this:  I am tired of being dragged away by my own evil desires.  Over the last few weeks, circumstances have brought some of my inner ugliness to the surface.  Every time I think I am an okay guy, I am reminded of how arrogant, selfish, judgmental, and sinful I still am.  Thankfully I also find God is right there chastising and teaching me.  The message at Church the last few weeks has been perfectly timed, speaking of the process of construction we are all going through.

Due to sin and weakness, it appears my worst enemy may be sometimes more difficult than all the rest of my spiritual enemies: Me!  But this is not to say I need to beat myself up.  According to scripture, I see that to have victory over sin that dwells in me, I can do a few simple things: I need to pray (always), read scripture (meditate), fellowship with family, friends and support. In doing these things, I may be able to more effectively wear the Armor that God has given me. 

At the worship team meeting last month, Dan pointed out we need to be filled by the Spirit daily.  Filling us up with the Holy Spirit only once doesn't work because we leak!  Well, apparently October has been the month for taking a good look at some of Ron's many "cracks".  Friends, I am leaking a lot more than I thought.  This week I am going to the Retreat.  Given the various battles I have struggled with this year, this month, "retreat" is the perfect strategy right now.  I think God has planned to help me with some of my plumbing while I am there.  The timing is perfect, which is no surprise.

It really is amazing that I can function at all.  That God can use me to serve in many wonderful ways, in spite of my many cracks, is beyond my intellect.  I can intellectually work out a lot of things, but God's mysterious ways are beyond my grasp.  I can only drop to my knees, ask forgiveness for my sins, thank Him for His overwhelming love and patience, and then praise Him for the glorious works He does through his leaky people...


I am not sure how to end.  I have some real questions.  These are not rhetorical questions for you to ponder, either.  Send me a note and tell me how you Warriors for Christ handle these things.  I feel like I am still in boot camp, and the enemies (outside and inside) are lobbing shells at me:

• What kind of battles are you facing?
• How exactly do you "fight"?
• How do you patch your leaks?

The journey continues...

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...and they lived happily ever after...

A random point in time, 11:00 a.m....

Love.

I could not resist an opportunity to look at one of the most basic and most talked about topics in the world.  It is probably the most popular topic in art, paintings, poetry, songs, books, movies, and TV shows.  It is also the heart of the message in the Bible.  Yet, the world's definitions of Love and God's definitions of Love are so very different.  When it comes to Love, the differences are so clear, so much so that I doubt I will need to make much of a comment.  All I need to do is list some samples of Love from the world's perspective, and some samples from the scriptural perspective.  The rest is up to your imagination.

I thought about typing this Post while listening to one of my favorite bands, Def Lepperd, singing a song called Love Bites.  Here is the chorus:

I don't want to touch you too much, baby
'Cos makin' love to you might drive me crazy
Oh!
Love bites
Love bleeds
It's bringing me to my knees
Love lives
Love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs
Love pleads
It's what I need

I suppose it has a romantic spin, depending on one's point of view.  The music is beautiful.  It also makes Love sound like something I might want to avoid that same way I would avoid a wild animal with rabies.  Here are few more song titles from some more of my favorite artists:

Love Hurts
Love Stinks
Victim of Love
You Give Love a Bad Name
In and Out of Love
Can't Stop Fallin' Into Love
Too Late for Love
Love Lies Bleeding
The Crush of Love
Too Young to Fall in Love
Love Is a Battlefield
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
I Don't Believe in Love
Aint Love a Kick in the Head
Your Love Is Driving Me Crazy
Outta Love Again
Love in an Elevator


I could not help but smile as I looked at songs in my library.  If I didn't know better, it might appear that Love is dangerous.  Love is something we fall into, like falling down the stairs.  Love hurts, it stinks, it bites, it drives us crazy.  Love is a war.  Love is a 'feeling'.  Love feels good, feels bad, love is up and down, love comes and goes.  Sex is referred to as "making love", the same way we might "make cookies".  All too often it seems like infatuation, passion, desire, lust and sex are used synonymously with love.  I do not believe those concepts accurately reflect true love.

This small sample of songs seem to cover the world's idea of love; I don't need to list books, movies and TV as they say the same things.


My question is this:  Does the world give us an accurate picture of what Love really is?  Or are these portrayals of Love just another "smoke & mirrors" attack from an enemy who would do anything to keep us from experiencing true Love?  You be the judge....


1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 

In this scripture, Love is portrayed as action (or inaction as the case may be).  It appears to be solid, unwavering.  Love is unconditional.  Actions are clearly defined, and each action listed leaves no room for doubt.  There is no mention of 'feelings'.  Love also appears to be pain free.  There is no mention of 'falling into' anything.  This scripture was the theme of our wedding day; it was printed on the invitations.  I can safely say that thus far, love has not failed us in our marriage.  I hope that as I learn and grow, I can become more consistent when it comes to 'loving' the people in my life, whoever they may be.


John 3:16
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

In the most popular 'love' passage in the New Testament, Love is shown again as an action, this time an act of giving.  God gave us Jesus, and Jesus gave His life, all out of love for you and me.


If Love never fails, I want Love to be the theme song of my life...



I leave you with these thoughts:

• Is true Love the song of your life?
• Do you Love God?
• Do you Love your neighbor?
• Do you Love your family and friends?

The journey continues...

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To be, or not to be? Wait, what was the question?

Let's start here, another random point in time called “Today”...

There is a thought that has occurred to me just about every time I tried to change my life for the better, or unexpectedly learned something new. I don't know if it is my own thought, or something I heard or read, but it made me smile as I looked at the new change in my life. The premise speaks for itself:

Finding answers is very hard when we don't know what the question is...

Life is huge, almost infinite in its own way. The multiple variables involved with making decisions for a single day are too numerous to list. A moment of indecision can leave us stranded and stuck for years to come. A wrong decision can send us barreling down the corridors of time living a life of unhappiness. I think sometimes our life could be more clearly defined and infinitely more rewarding if we ask more substantive questions, and have more spiritually aligned priorities.

The mistakes of my life seemed to be founded in the fact that I was asking an incorrect “life” question. The pursuit of answers to the wrong question left the door open to ask even more wrong questions which unfortunately were based on that incorrect premise. The inability to find satisfactory answers to all of my wrong questions led to indecision, depression, and addiction. Even after a decade of sobriety, I see that I was still asking the wrong question. I started attending Hillcrest while completely "lost in the wilderness".  The question I asked was this:

What is my place in the world?

I honestly believe that is a reasonable question, and undoubtedly a common question. For some people, the pursuit of that question may yield very rewarding results. Yet in my case, the result was 46 years aimlessly revolving around the sun while chasing my tail. I never did find “Ron’s place in the world”. Today I believe I could not find my place because I did not ask the right question. In the quest for my place in the world, I tried several career paths, including corporate, retail, social services, and various stints as a contractor. They seemed to be logical alternatives to the true desire of my heart that I gave up on: music. Not once did I ever feel like I had found my place, and as a result of my skewed perspective, I spent three decades living a life of unhappiness.

This year, after 26 years of so called “faith in God”, a simple shift in questions changed my life.  A new question dramatically altered my everyday life, my perspective of a relationship with God, my identity, my place in this life, and my life goals. A life of aimless wandering suddenly was transformed into a walk of faith; after years of talking the talk, I find myself suddenly walking the walk.  The question I am asking today is this:

What is my place in Christ?

To find the answers to that question, I found myself drawn deeper into God’s presence, drawn closer to God’s family and subsequently a church community, and drawn closer to my family and friends. In this new perspective of myself, I rediscovered my gifts (music, counseling, writing), and ways they can be used in God’s Kingdom. Having rediscovered myself in a new light, some new questions come to mind as to how to live a more rewarding life based upon this new foundation for living. For this healthier lifestyle, I looked to the ultimate guide for living; not just a guide, but true life lessons found in God’s Word, and God’s Commandments.

For example, when asked what the most important commandment is, Jesus did not respond by saying, "Thou shalt know your place in the world." Nope. Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and all your strength.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:36-40).

To be honest, I am human. I am imperfect (say it ain't so). I am a sinner, with a tendency to sin even on my best days. Today, I am seeking God and Christ, and with that I am trying to find some stability with this new found focus, and discipline so that I might move at a steady forward pace to ultimately do God's will. It is with that passage from Matthew that the following questions come to mind.

Question #1: How do I love God with ALL my heart, mind, soul, and strength? Follow up questions to that are quickly added. Do I have to love God every day? What does it mean to love God? I mean what exactly do I do? What will happen if I love God? Will God love me back? I mean all my heart, soul, mind, and strength seems like a lot.

Question #2 (plus follow up questions): How do I love my neighbor? Who is my neighbor anyway? Have you ever looked at my neighbor? Am I really supposed to love my neighbor? Do you know what my neighbor did to me the other day? I don't have to love my neighbor all the time, do I? What if my neighbor is a big meanie?

By asking those questions and finding some answers, the quality of my day to day life has been vastly improved. As I learn to love, I won't be inclined to kill, steal, lie, flip the bird at the guy who cut me off, or covet my neighbor's spouse. I will, however, be more inclined to be patient, loving, kind, more determined to be of service to the world at large. And no matter how you slice it, learning how to love God and love your neighbor is a 24/7 occupation. It is not easy for a human to be loving all the time; loving ones fellow man part time can be difficult. Yet many blessings can spring forth from love, and life can be lived to the fullest, if those kinds of questions are what you seek the answers to.

The pursuit of questions pertaining to the heart of God and His design for living may very well answer many other questions, too, and allow us to set aside the questions that are not as relevant. Of course we still have to wrestle with questions pertaining to everyday living like what to fix for dinner, where will I get the money to pay the bills, what the hell are my kids getting into now, etc. Life on Earth remains the same as always. But I propose the course of our life takes a leap into an extraordinary new form of living when we ask the right questions for ourselves.

Some of these questions I discussed are right for me at this time. Of course your questions may be different...




The Bible says (paraphrased), “I am in the world, but I am not of the world”.  It turns out I may not really have a place in this world after all, not by the world’s standards. But I do have a place in God’s Kingdom, and in that I have a mission to carry out here on Earth. I’ll take that trade off any day.

I am happy to report that the pursuit of God coupled with answers to these new questions has begun to direct me to what might be called “my place in the world”, a place God created just for me. Along side my brothers and sisters in Christ, I am going to be the light of the world, the salt of the earth, the bearer of good news to all creation. Wow!  My gifts will be used for the good of those I meet along the way, and more importantly my gifts will glorify God (who is so very worthy of all glory).


I have finally found “my place”...


I leave you with these thoughts:

• Have you ever asked God a question, but got no answer? Silly me, we all have.
• What are the dominate questions in your mind and heart today? Will the answers to those questions get you to where you want to be in your life?
• Have you ever considered coming up with some new questions? Have you ever invited God to show you a question that He might be more inclined to answer?

The journey continues...

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Jump on in. The water is fine...

It begins here, at a random point in time...

Did you hear the Call?
Did you see the Light?
Did you feel the warm embrace that says you'll be alright?

I wrote those words about 5 years ago, lyrics to a song called "Above Ground". I called the song my "celebration of gratitude" after a half dozen years of sobriety, and a return to music after more than a decade that was utterly void of my gift of music.

I was not aware at that time how far I was yet to travel, how much I would grow, and how much those words would mean to me today. You see, today I AM hearing The Call, and let me tell you God's call does not resemble the call of the world in any way shape or form. It is hard to describe, but maybe a quote from a book that inspired me can give you an idea of what my particular call sounds like:

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
From "Wild At Heart", by John Eldredge.

I spent a good portion of the last few years lost in the wilderness because I believe was asking the wrong question. My question was, "What is my place in the world?" I never did find my place in the world, and I believe now it is because I am not of this world. At a retreat I went to last April, God helped me to rephrase my question. The question is now, "What is my place in Jesus?" The answer to that question suddenly began to answer a dozen other questions.

This idea of doing what makes me come alive had never occurred to me, ever. The idea of being a rock star for example was quickly crushed by the world by the time I was in my 20s. Pursuing ones dreams is not a responsible lifestyle. Furthermore, the pursuit of what makes me come alive in my case would certainly be contrary to what the world would tell me is responsible behavior at this stage in my life. At the age of 46, doing what truly makes me come alive is out of the question. Think about it. What I love most are two things: Music and Counseling. With this Blog we add a third thing that I love (well, a gift) that I had not considered before now: Writing. No one is is going to pay me to do the things I love most. I don't think doing what makes me come alive is tax deductible either.

This all leaves me at a fascinating sort of crossroads. Two very distinctive, albeit conflicting 'calls' come through very clearly, yet one is far more inviting than the other.

The call of the world sounds like this: "Ron, you have to work at a job you don't like, doing work that kills your spirit slowly, a place where you sell your soul for a buck, and give away what precious little time you have on Earth. What you need is money, but how you get it, nor the cost of your spirit to acquire it, means nothing. All of your needs will be met as long as you have money..."

The call of God, which came over the summer, went something like this: "Hey Ron, how would you like to do what you love best? You shine the Light, and I, The Lord your God, will supply all of your needs through Christ, et al..."

*Gasp*

Some of you already know which call I decided to answer.  If you didn't know before now, you can probably tell by the content of this blog...

Last weekend I played with my secular band on Saturday night, and the church band on Sunday morning. I am playing music with joy in my heart. I have begun a paperwork process that will allow me to volunteer as a counselor at the City Union Mission. I am excited about a chance to help people again through counseling, or even better yet, a chance to be a "fisher of men". I am writing whatever my head and heart pour out, well, what you are reading now. It is kind of fun typing out the stream of consciousness flowing through my head.

I am at peace, real peace. I am filled with joy and hope for something that God has not revealed specifically, but the taste of His Spirit has indicated that when His Will is rolling full force in my life... wow, I can't even finish the sentence. Something very BIG is coming, from Jesus, not so much for me, but I get front row seats as it all unfolds in my life.

Today I have been in touch with a home loan lender, debtors, random companies to pay bills, and credit bureaus to clear up old records. I sent an application for yet another job I won't get. Yet with mounting debt, continuing unemployment, bills and rent to pay, I am taking time out to write my random thoughts. In spite of what the world would regard as proper income, the needs of my family and I have been sustained. Hillcrest Church has been God's main contributor; I sometimes think I don't deserve their generosity. Yet, they are saying the same thing that God has been telling me, "Keep doing what you are doing, keep doing what you love".

Dan said, "Come on let's play some music..."
Mary said, "Ron, check out City Union Mission, maybe you can give your gift of counseling there.  There are also some new 12 Step programs starting up through the church..."
Lee said, "Ron, you have quite a talent for writing. Write..."

And through it all God says, "Let not your heart be troubled..."

This is still too fantastic to wrap my carnal mind around. Am I to spend the rest of my life doing what I love? I have to admit it has been an amazing year so far. I am living in the middle of a spirit fueled opportunity to pursue the things I love dearly. And so far, it appears that as I do what I love, the people around me appear to get excited, happy, inspired. These gifts I have been given seem to be designed to cause a Light to shine. The real adventure is that I don't know exactly where all of this leads, what these gifts will look like a month, a year, 10 years from now. I honestly have no idea what the end product will look like.

This is not to say that I will not also experience the trials of this life as I pursue this walk of faith. Jesus called us to shine the Light, be the salt of the Earth, to spread the Good News. We are also told that all who follow Him are subject to guidance and chastisement, the aforementioned trials of life, and as a bonus we are regularly bombarded with attacks from an unseen enemy. My year so far has been fraught with hardships of almost every kind including death, hospitals, courts, financial instability, depression, illness; I could go on and on. None of these trials, however, have been able to derail my walk with God, or cause me to stop sharing my gifts. Through (and in spite of) these hardships I have found new found wisdom, growth, change, dozens of new friends. We may be on to something here.


Before I wrap up this post, I suppose I should share a little of what coming alive has been like. It has not been as easy as one might think.  One might think doing what you love would just magically transform life into some Utopian haven. Life on Earth doesn't work that way, even if you are happy.  Add to that the fact that I am sometimes undisciplined (old habits are hard to break), and what you get is one bumpy ride.

My more immediate short term calling is focused on training in several areas as I prepare for what is next. My family gave me The Karate Kid for Christmas last year (why I didn't know at the time, and they didn't know either I am sure). A few months later, and not knowing that I had just gotten the movie, Mary quoted the movie when speaking of the training God is guiding me through. "Wax on. Wax off" was the line she quoted. After she said that, I just had to watch the cheesy 80s flick; not a movie I really wanted to see again. Grudgingly, I watched the movie (it was as cheesy as I remembered).  But ever since then, 'Wax on Wax off' has been my motto for 2009...

Here is the Training Regimen as I understand it so far:

• For the big picture, there is Spiritual Training, learning how to live a life of faith. Reading the bible and other inspirational / educational materials certainly expands the knowledge base for me in this area. Prayer is big, coupled with learning how to pray. God knows me completely, but how well do I really know Him? I won't know until I spend more time with Him. Community involvement, friends, relationships seem to be the windows to Heaven itself. I cannot see anything of substance without input and feedback from people who share in the remarkable experience we call "life". God speaks in many ways, but it has been my experience that His preference is to use other people most often (as opposed to donkeys and burning bushes).
  

• For music, I need to practice. I am pretty good, but not nearly as good as I would like to be.  Practicing has been hard because I haven't been motivated or inspired. My band, Local Stranger, has been a failure for the most part. One band member or another has ruined most of our shows due to drunkenness. After a train wreck on stage in September, it was decided that we will disband after our final gig in November. It is hard to get fired up for practice a few hours a day when you have nowhere to play, and no one to play with. What I need to do is learn how to look at this part of my life with eyes of faith: I will have a place to play, when God sees I am ready. Until then, Ron, wax on, wax off...
  

• For the counseling, I need to go back over my old lectures and restructure them for what may be a more biblical oriented presentation. I may also want to look into some of the continuing education courses offered through the usual state sanctioned counseling professional organizations. I may very well have some freedom with my counseling methods at City Union Mission, or AA meetings, but I don't want effective counseling methods to be lost in a fog of my own opinions or enthusiasm.

• For writing, it appears as though my fingers are still typing. This whole day has been really weird. That I would spend a few hours banging away on my keyboard was not planned. Typing anything I guess will be it's own sort of training exercise. The fun part is I never know what I will type next. Cucumbers and Monkeys. See what I mean?  Ever the perfectionist, I have added a word here and there, taken out others, fixed misspelled words, and 24 hours later, I haven't stopped typing for very long.
  

It is my best guess, or rather a peaceful impression upon my heart, that when I am ready, God will open new doors, and provide for my needs through one or more of these gifts. To those who have partnered with God to make my continuing journey possible, I can only say that God must have one heck of a reward in store for you. On my own, I certainly could never repay the generosity bestowed upon me.


To you, gentle reader, I leave you with this thought to close my first official blog:

• Are you doing what you love? Do you have time? Can you make time? Have you come alive?
  

The journey continues...

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